Hollywood Nights

I traveled to the depths of my imagination to found myself tending bar…There’s dark raw wood, exposed beams in the ceiling, brown leather booths and extra long picnic tables in the centre, with a few small intimate tables by the window and one single round table.  The brushed metal and wood give the place an edgy feel, but it’s not without warmth, in part due to the sconces, fireplaces and candles, which are incapable of causing fire. The mysteries of the Watering Hole.  From the outside, regular people see the bar-front as an out-of-business Sentinelese language learning centre.  The regulars see the place for what it is, as do some with a very unique seventh sense. The patrons?  All the talents of the galaxy, most of which no one knows are earth-loving Aliens.  Actors, musicians, athletes, chefs and writers of all sorts.  There are some humans that have been trusted with the seventh sense and know the secrets of this ‘club’ – honorary members. It’s a great night for Leni.  There are several missing friends but the vibe is relaxed, patrons are content and everyone that has come through the door, up to this point, is a ‘favourite’.  It’s a Tuesday and half price on drinks and apps for anyone in the TV or film industry.  Even people with money love a good bargain. Joseph Gordon Levitt, Leni’s best friend, is filling her in on his day.  Sandra Bullock cuts in and agrees with something Joseph is saying. Sometimes it does get challenging to keep up appearances and to keep from speaking the native language of Quorlaxin, which could be very problematic. Levitt was explaining that Third Rock was a challenge for him. He couldn’t help missing home. Thank God for The Watering Hole, which serves as a second home to so many.  Leni doesn’t understand when Joey and Sandy communicate with each other in their language but appreciates the smiles on their faces.  Joseph is wearing mismatched socks like he always does, and Sandra looks really at ease like her ‘earth self’ – a relaxed girl straight off the ranch.  God, she’s funny.  Joseph flashes a crooked grin.  Hey, John Lithgow just walked in and he’s headed to meet Joseph – as if the night couldn’t get any better. There is a table at the back of the bar by the washrooms, where comedians tend to gravitate to.  Tonight Adam Sandler and Jack Black are discussing a future collaboration.  David Spade pops in with Chris Farley and says “Look who I just found!” Good ol’ Chris, faking his death like a master … and only second to Andy Kaufman who is currently on a mission in search of a ship called The Racketeer.  Leni remembers when they forgot to tell her Chris didn’t really die and she was so sad; Farley has always been the one to make her laugh the most. There are two other comedians tonight: Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander.  They’re on their own, animated and laughing, in their usual booth.  They drink coffee every time they visit. Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson come from the backroom.  They love to help Leni out and reminisce about the good old days. Besides, Woody promised Matthew McConaughey an unforgettable Whiskey from Planet Zero. Whiskey can be found throughout the solar system and Woody always finds the best. Matthew’s supposed to be by at eight.  Leni keeps telling Woody to stop bringing in bottles but Woody still does. “Awww, come on Leni, you’re going to love this stuff!” Of course, she always does and can’t deny Woody anything.  He is so darn likeable. In a small intimate table at the back is Leo.  No human that young can be that great of an actor.  He’s working on a non-fiction book about global warming.  He feels a little responsible since, on the last planet he lived, he kind of caused it. As redemption, he fights the good fight right here in Terra 1. The Earth has always been his favourite planet.  He’s got that classic Hollywood look which, of course, makes him even more extraterrestrial.  He’s waiting on Scorsese who is human and late again. Right by a fireplace to the left is the single round table in the establishment.  It is appropriately occupied by Pacino, Mirren, De Niro, Hoffman, Lang, Hopper, Duvall and Streep.  Meryl Streep is working the table and usually ends up being King Arthur for the night.  They roar in laughter as she does her fabulous impersonation of Kellyanne Conway who is not an alien … very, very human. Matt Damon and Forest Whitaker are co-producing a drama which is based on one of Leni’s novels; she helped with the script.  It will star Milo Ventimiglia and Matt Dillon as brothers. There will be some tender moments but a few good laughs.  They’re at a table by the window.  Milo is going to be a huge star and Matt is going to be the ‘comeback kid’ with a revived career. Mickey Rourke is at a back corner of the bar waiting for Harvey Keitel.  He doesn’t mind because he’s got his dog at his feet and his cup is full. Speilberg and Straczynski are also scheduled to show.  They’re going to join Patrick Stewart who has finally agreed to work with them on a new film, but also because they want a drink at the Watering Hole.  Stewart has a cup of Earl Grey and little shortbread biscuits (which Leni keeps just for him).  It is Patrick Stewart, after all. Kris Kristofferson is in a corner about to play a few acoustic numbers.  It will be mellow and laid back like the evening.  It is always good that there are a few crossover actor-musicians. The good ones are always extraterrestrial. You know who isn’t an alien and has no seventh sense? Tom Cruise.  Everyone is sort of relieved, because as talented as the guy is, he’d somehow turn it into a Scientology thing. The casts that are clearly acting in all those reality TV shows are also unable to see the Watering Hole.  Absolutely no seventh sense.

Leni looks up and around at the photos in the room.  They’re all autographed and you can see the faces of the greatest musicians, actors, athletes, writers smiling right by the bar with Leni.  There are three particular photos that are larger than the rest and each one sits above one of the three fireplaces: Daniel Day Lewis, Patrick Swayze and Eric Bana.  Leni has a few of the large ones to sit above the fireplaces and she rotates them depending on the bar schedule.  On singer-songwriter night you may see Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen and all of U2 coveting those spots.   Tonight it’s the actors. Lewis because he is Leni’s favourite actor, and Swayze doesn’t require any explanation.  No one can figure out why Bana is up there and they’re too afraid to ask in case he’s some high undercover official from the galaxy.  Leni just thinks he’s so darn good looking and is amused that no one knows why.  Leni wonders if she’s forgetting any scheduled reservations.  She’s already reserved the small table by the window for Kit Harington and his lady love. Leni always leaves a rose for her. Something is missing for Leni, though.  Leni feels like there is something out of place… than Matthew McConaughey walks through the door rather boldly with “Alright, alright, alright!” Of course! All is right with the world again … which is funny because it takes a bunch of aliens!

Written by: Leni Sosa; Permanence of Wings